User Profile Friends Calendar

Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2006.12.27  01.18 i hate to say it....but i'm on myspace...... www.myspace.com/dinnerwiththekids some bull shit...but hey...to talk to people long distance is to be happy....

	2006.12.25  21.54 CHRISTMAS....BLOODY CHRISTMAS I finally got to have a good christmas.... i can't remember how long it's been but it was the greatest.....i got pretty much every thing i wanted....which includes giving abby her engagement ring...so now it's even more official...got to spend christmas eve and christmas morning with abby....and now im working...well i wouldn't really call it work but i'm being paid to listen to music, play music, start a few movies now and then, and play chrono trigger.....plus im getting paid fifteen an hour... so whateva....a little bit a christmas can go a long way....i hope everyone else's christmas was as good as mine....but right now....i gotta get back to do what little work i have left to do and then walk home.... Music: the raconteurs

	2006.12.06  13.54 poetry A NIGHT BORROWED BY SYMPHONIC ENTITIES this is a story about frail empty headed self reliant single celled reflexes hand broken jobless faltering between existences trying to spare every last word trying to make sense of silent pictures put to music some profound prolific meaning painted canvases torn apart by separated colors drawn together by the sound of a solitary voice tone mixed silhouettes taped together more or less sewn together because the soap doesn't tend to stick to dry messes certainty out of context made to listen but sounds fail to fall upon tired holes heads blown apart imagery stapled to the back of eyelids waiting for the lights to fade and the curtain to rise but the orchestra doesn't tend to play to selfish hearted enthusiasts beats bludgeoning bastard children sent rightways clockways mirrored moments taught only to break apart when troubled fragments meet and greet sideways on the sleeve of the unresponsive masses trying their best to leave the only thing they know behind so sit back in your velvet seat open your ears to the sounds that flood the room close your eyes the images don't make any sense anymore hope to God that this event doesn't shape the future only makes it happen before something else tries to take it a way... ... .. . just keep on breathing the way you were taught in and out through the nose then out your mouth never taking each syllabic gasp for granted hanging on the edge toward window panes left cracked because the creases in the glass make the world look more interesting, each crack mentions suffering each crack mentions love and hate each crack shows how beautiful each person is on the outside making it easier to see their flaws not their first and foremost "personality" their actual fault carried on the needle of the metronome wound up on the top of a sullen piano dust ridden lacking keys places where wandering fingers tend to land hoping to hit each stale taste of every missing note leaning in palate cleansing antithesis pretend game-like substance movie styled make believes troubled and confused but making every bit of sense barely getting by barely joining the end of each sentence together long enough to interject making moonlit nights seem so far away with each and every taught gasp for air choked down broken down solitary confined self-loathing miscreants unkempt imagery for the mind's eye that screams and screams until the winds fly them home on tattered wings floating high upon every person's short comings flailing arms held up by strings stretched out by arms stretched out by hearts that never want these notes to end carrying on overflowing banks of imagery unsolicited overpowering reality tearing through souls searching for audiences left unspoken yet forever looked for... ... .. . the orchestra breaks but the imagery still captivates holding each beholder responsible for dreams to come not dreams that pass holding each person each multi-collared couple passing through the doors to pretend that for just one moment life meant something to make believe that everything could be explained by a musical picture drawn together by genius hands playing on the wings of higher beings soaring sounds lingering amongst the heavens and the earth waiting to let loose upon the huddled masses well dressed and confused tight-wad asses still hoping to make much more sense out of life. -a little piece of life from me to you for the hiliday season...*pants Music: COALESCE

	2006.11.30  19.43 do you remember the days...or did you forget? since i haven't been smoking, i've been trying to find other activities to take up the time that i used to spend smoking. THIS IS FUCKING HARD...I do everything smoking...not just certain tasks...just about everyhting...walking, writing, breathing....it doesn't get any easier... i guess i picked the wrong time of year to quit smoking...cuz it feels even more difficult knowing that i don't have some- -thing to occupy myself with when I'm bored. I suppose thinking would work; but even then, i can't help thinking about the same obscure questions: What does it mean to be a person motion? If i were an inani- -mate object, which object would i be? would i be a pen...able to graze the surface of every page ever so slightly, with a dilligence that could turn the would on its side?..or would i be a key on the piano...and every time i would be played...i would rise up above the rest of the notes and allow my voice to be heard....simple and grand.... i can't make up my mind...it wouldn't be fair to rest of the objects in my life... to single out...there i go...never YOU mind about that....you could say i'm just feeling lost in my own craziness again...but without a crutch to stand on....alas...i digress without any real point. I guess i should go back to work....whatever that means... cuz what i do....couldn't possibly be considered "work"...pants Music: SPARTA

	2006.11.24  14.56 The Day After well....first holiday came and went.... i worked.....it was dumb....i got paid fifteen dollars an hour to sit, play dust in the wind on the guitar, "surf" the internet, and play video games.... that was cool....i guess i was just try- -ing to say....HAPPY LATE TURKEY DAY.... anybody that reads this...."hi mom"..... just kidding.....should go see the new movie....STRANGER THAN FICTION....second to my favorite movie of the year....Little Miss Sunshine.....i hope that my family isn't upset that i didn't spend the holiday with them.....especially the next mager part of the holiday season..i guess they could find some comfort in the fact that i'm spending them WITH NO ONE!!!!!oh well.... happy happy....joy joy......at least i don't have to work on KWANZA....thank god....*pants Music: Futurama Season 4

	2006.11.19  13.42 it's almost the holidays basically i'm starting to doubt everything i do. doubt the geographical change in my life, where i should be at emotionally/spiritually... physically speaking... i guess im pretty much doubting myself in general...with the forming of 'ethiopiate snub' (something that cannot bare fruit), my somewhat new formation of "friendships", my socially lacking, definitely remedial shards of a social life, based in hanging out and drinking with kids....there's something important missing from my life....whether it's at home, or whether it's at work.....the puzzle no longer contains all the pieces to complete the picture....each seperate breath more forced than before... if only i quit living, allow my self to just let go, without taking out agressions with my own two hands, and just be...simply stated but harder than i want it to be...if home is where you die, i died four years back...if i'm just waiting for my the time to pass, let it pass in a more pleasant manner.....i'm too tired to deal, an old soul stuck in a rut...now that i think about it, ain't it time for a vacation??...no holiday freedoms, no more liberties, just a prison cell in a sentence that never seems to end....help me break free from these catseyed addictions...lung appreciated, life questioned....a neat little parcel, packaged with a bow....with a note: return to sender....SOMEBODY LET ME OUT!!!............... *sorry....the above entry was more or less just random thought patterns that could no longer linger within the bubble that which is my brain...god i don't want to be at work anymore.... Mood: confused Music: vents

	2006.11.13  14.30 simply stating the obvious today, while riding on the bus, i came to the conclusion that i miss living in the midwest...i don't know how to explain it, but there it is...maybe it's the familiarity of it all....maybe i want to be close to my family and see the kids grow up....and maybe i just belong there.....now that it almost the "winter season" in california....most of the days are grey...that makes me happy cuz it reminds me of home...only thing is...i'm actually glad to make it out of detroit...alive unscathed by my friends addictions...i just got back into contact with delano...and he finally got the fuck out of the d and moved with his moms in ohio... its hard, but whatever it takes to keep yourself alive...that's what's important.....i sit at work bored out of my mind....granted i'm making 10 dollars an hour(plus benefits-well soon) to do something that takes absolutely no skill....like dealing with people....working in a projection booth... being an assistant manager.....none of this shit is really that tedious....i guess that's why i got the job....i guess that's why working at this theater is good for me...it's clean and simple....just how i need to be....but that's okay....baby steps.... ...... ... the leaves are changing....i wonder if that means the city's changing the way i remember it to...pants* Mood: nostalgic Music: the sound of projectors running

	2006.10.31  21.58 HAPPY HOLIDAYS....FROM US...TO ALL THE KIDS. ARE YOU WATCHING SCARY MOVIES???? CUZ IF YOU'RE NOT....YOU BETTER START...IT'S ALMOST OVER...*SCAREDY PANTS Music: SCREAMS

	2006.10.28  19.04 FUCK today TODAY was/is a very bad day. this, however, does not reflect on what tomorrow may bring my way...hopefully some fucking sleep...that beautiful extra hour of happy happy that just goes down so smooth...and after tonite...i'm gonna need all that and more...god i love daylight savings time... that sonofabitch.... Mood: pissed off Music: Pantera

	2006.10.26  22.20 sonnuvvabithcbastardsaw3isatmidnight missing pieces to the equation keep finding themselves falling haphazardly back into place... it's a good thing that nothing has to match in order to make sense but if it did....that wouldn't be a life after all now would it??? where there's a whale there's a whale bone right?...each piece stands on its own...but mixed together in the rightway...mixed rightways....wouldn't leave me stranded in the dark all alone without a life raft to save me...thank you...to all the pieces... each island mass that helps me stay the way i'm meant to be...thank you for each space provided, still taken up, but always available for when you need me...back to work* Mood: optimistic Music: ISLANDS - tsuxiit

	2006.10.23  14.45 TODAY'S THE DAY...(that abby's a crap face) ABBY didn't make it to class today, just like i said she wouldn't......that made sense right....ahh yes....grammar... so i got this email from some person....asking me for my full name, address, and all this other personal info... because i have some fancy dead relative from the ivory coast... of whom ive never heard.....and this magical person is worth 16 million dollars!!!wow....so....if somebody emails you about my relative...with your last name....DON'T SEND THEM THE INFORMATION....but here's the email....my name has been changed to protect the innocent.... PARTNERSHIP BUSINESS My name is Mr.Paul Guei, a Banker and accountant with BOABANK Abidjan Cote d'Ivoire. I am the personal accounts manager to Eng. Morrison Pants,a National of your country, who used to work with an oil servicing company here in Cote Ivoire. My client, his wife, and their three children were involved in the ill fated Kenya Airways crash in the coasts of Abidjan in January 2000 in which all passengers on board died. Since then I have made several inquiries to your embassy to locate any of my clients extended relatives but has been unsuccessful. After several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his last name over the internet,to see if I could locate any member of his family hence I contacted you,of particular interest is this huge deposit with our bank here in,where the deceased has an account valued at about ($16 million US dollars).They have issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or the bank will declare the account unservisable and thereby send the funds to the bank treasury. Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over last 4 years now, I will seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased since you have the same last names, so that the proceeds of this account valued at ($16million US dollars) can be paid to you and then you and I can share the money. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under all legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. If you can handle this with me, reach me now through this email: gueipaul05@yahoo.com Thanking you for your anticipated cooperation. In your reply mail, give your full names, address, date of birth, telephone and fax numbers. Paul Guei....... ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________ I'm sorry, monsieur Geui....but i have to decline your offer.... but if any of you kids out there on the world wide of web want to try and collect....well then.....CHEERS.....just send me a finders fee....that's all i ask in return....gotta sip some of this oj...pants* Mood: optimistic Music: God telling me to WRITE THIS BASTARD

	2006.10.17  23.55 in the middle of the night playing music while walking outside is the best thing that's ever happened to me...i only wish i could take my piano outside and play...not for everyone to hear...only not to wake abby up...the thing is.....the feeling is starting to come back to be...that musical feeling which i felt slipping away, only finding it to pop up on my canvas and my notebooks ...why do these spurts become patterns?... and then why do those patterns castrate me when they decide to leave...i only wish i knew...the shitty thing is....i have all this stuff, and no one to show it to... not just at home, but the world...im start- -ing small, but locally i know enough people to start playing at the bars...and maybe on the radio...then it's time to finish the portfolio, and so on, and so on, and so on....dinnerwiththekids needs to be an orchestra....if only i knew the people that played the instruments that i need...and pe- -rhaps the time of day/nite....oh well... when the mood strikes...it strikes, and well.. ..it's striking now...back to the outside... after rolling this last cigarette...pants* Mood: refreshed Music: random bars of unfinished music not yet played out

	2006.10.17  15.04 I feel so alone..... [intro] Goodnight my fallen king tonight will never seem to keep main-line all things boiled down swallow before you hit the ground Goodnight my tired queen tonight just try to go to sleep remember how things used to be so relax...and count to three so relax and close your eyes don't you cry yourself to sleep just hold your breath for me it's as simple as can be just close the door behind (you) why should you wait for another chance so relax and close your eyes this pain'll be over when your dead [breakdown] so relax and close your eyes don't you cry yourself to sleep just hold your breath for me it's as simple as can be just close the door behind (YOU) why shouldn't you wait for another chance so relax and close your eyes this pain'll be over when your dead.... Goodnight, my sorrowed prince tonight they'll try to bring the pain remember what they'd tried to day the night the red queen went away....* copyright 2006 dinnerwiththekids Mood: uncomfortable Music: this song in the key of bike

	2006.10.16  23.27 THE QUOTE OF THE DAY TODAY'S QUOTE OF THE DAY IS: "I'm all outta retarded folks" - Brett Fowler Mood: amused Music: REFUSED ARE FUCKING DEAD DVD(on youtube)

	2006.10.13  03.32 the nite is no longer young i thought i really wanted to write something meaningful.... ....but i can't.....this simply ended up being some sort of waste of time....i should be sleeping, even though i just got off work and i'm on my "second wind".....maybe i can play video games......maybe i can have just one more cigarette....NO....i'll have a piece of the gum... that nasty gum that makes the feeling go away.....why can't this be a little bit easier....doctors tell me how to do things...but money doesn't tend to grow on trees....good advice...but money doesn't tend to spread itself open in my pocket book....well...imaginary pocket book....bills and bills and bills and bills....well... not as many as before....good thing those acid free settlements are working out in my favor....i can't seem to stop writing......three long emails....one response...and now this rambling....mmmm orange soda....that's right orange soda....smoothly grazing the tip of my tounge and traveling through the center of it on the bar of my piercing...then to my stomach of course....it's good.....orange soda at 340 in the morning....in the A.M........time just seems to just slow itself when not smoking.....ahhhh yes the gum ....the gum....MUSNT FORGET THE GUM.....i guess what this all boils down to.....is:I NEED A VACATION......it's as simple as that....however not as simple as you think.......the battery is dead....so im must stop....finally the end has come.... goodnigh.....pants* Mood: anxious

	2006.10.10  17.16 looks like i chose the wrong day to quit sniffing glue I AM QUITING SMOKING....... ...... AND.................I'm ....GOING...... ...................................IN... ..fucking............SANE!!!!!!!!...... ..........it's............the..... single...........most................ .........difficult.........task..... ...I've..........ever...... ........tried... to........accomplish.........SOMEBODY JUST FUCKING SHOOT ME..... ......IN THE......... FUCKING..................FACE!!!!! Mood: crazy Music: the thoughts of an absolute madman

	2006.09.28  20.50 @ work so while i was on my break, not more than fifteen minutes ago, this kid i work with, decided to call and say he was going to quit....the kicker being that he was also on his break!!!!!what kind of fucking world do we live in where someone has the balls to ONE come in for their shift, and TWO try to quit on their break......you gotta be fucking kidding me......it's everything in my power not to go downstairs and punch him in the face.....that's just dumb.... I continue to HATE THE HUMAN RACE......somebody please tell me that i'm not the only one........oh well....gotta go thread some films pants out* Mood: crazy Music: Dillinger Escape Plan

	2006.09.27  00.06 WHERE DID MY NEW BABY KITTEN RUN OFF TO??? tried watching love and sex......can't...which sux cuz i like it....maybe someday... ...... .... .. . wish i could find my brand new kitten......it's hiding.....or dinah (the other cat) either ate it....or somehow unlocked the front door, opened it, threw the cat outside, closed it, locked it, and went back to the exact same position that she was in (on top of the book shelf right before we went into the other room... Mood: discontent Music: lewis black on HBO(that sonofabitch)

	2006.09.26  02.33 somebody please bring back the feeling to my music Mood: numb Music: not a fucking sound

	2006.09.14  21.53 @ work i hope abby didn't get mad at me for taking the computer to work. what else am i supposed to do in the projection booth. i'm not even supposed to be in here, but i am. got to do a lot of work after closing. want to sleep late and not come in tomorrow.at least i'm making my hours... at least i'm gonna get "paid"....so much for that...pants* Mood: groggy Music: The Mars Volta - Amputechture

	2006.09.13  12.01 ...your face, it reminds me of my hate... i am a lone projectionist once felt abandoned but now..... now it doesn't matter. all the words apologies profusely spent tried attempts that seem to fall short from ears that truly care the only reasons left excuses bludgeoning each hole stapled to the side of my head the time spent in past lifetimes, more or less a prison sentence, tries to show itself conducting itself with strings each instrument waiting in line for the right moment to just interject and now isn't the right time only space a void to be filled each note a part of me each pause a breath taken but not held waiting for the rest of the world to just bow their heads in silence home is where you die alone each time you speak the names of fallen soldiers to the game breaking free into the infinite abyss of past tense.... don't even bother trying to save yourself because not even your "self" can help this inevitable demise that is our lives. Mood: thirsty Music: Small Brown Bike - Trains all Talk(listen to it)

	2006.04.03  14.19 these three cats just wont stop congregating on the kitchen floor right..... cartoon concept....music finally ordered the way i want it....now to put it to cd and then to good use....just got a job after being without one since feb 15th....fuck...movin just doesn't help i guess....can't really seem to do that much....just enough to make rent...already have groceries....came to the conclusion i would like to re-make psychos in love.....really funny movie.....but a direct to video experience from the past..... needs to be re budgeted....more ridiculous....and the acting....can't really change it....only elaborate upon it....oh and got a land line....you could figure it out if you wanted to..... ... .. out Mood: calm Music: the remnants of this mornings beta band listening

	2006.02.10  17.20 just a matter of time why the fuck can't i even try to get this city out of my head.....thoughts of music and fond memories....of mistakes and achievements....why can't i seem to just let it go....ehh....it just setting in right now.....old friends and how real people either can or can't be....if only there was a way to just fast forward time and already be there, my new place, my new home.....just the two of us.....but i still got a weeek and whole bunch of shit to get out of the way.....just remember that all the people ive wronged ...i'm sorry....all the things that i've helped out with...it was just what i had to do....this is the start of a new chapeter...and sure im scared but i got two things that nobody has....my music and my life....so fuck you detroit...i love you but i got to go.....pants out address.....just email me if you really want it....cuz the email has never changed......just the person....BCRiot@hotmail.com ....so just do it Mood: determined Music: Small Brown Bike

	2005.12.27  23.57 THE NIGHT TWO DAYS AFTER CHRISTMAS well....looking back on the time that i spent in milwaukee....i feel happy.... i got to see people i haven't seen in 8 years.....talk about online gaming.....play prince of persia three on xbox.....and hang out with the usuals that have been there since middle school.....my family (or my sisters and my mom rather).....they were awesome.... went and saw the chronicles of narnia with them for their christmas present....and it was excellent.... my dad...however....NEEDS HIS OWN FRIENDS.....i can't elaborate.....but he is so depressing..... ....and now....as i plan the next morning for the trip back to the motown that ive grown to love....i say goodbye....goodbye to milwaukee and all the poeple that i care about.....but i do it with great pride....because it's about time i tried to make my mark....and i can only do that by getting out....away from all things known.....so as brew city is left behind by miles of train tracks, the process of goodbye for michigan starts....but....one step at a time.....there's only a month and a half left until abby and i make the move to DAVIS CALIFORNIA.....and there is a lot to be done.....so....GIVE A NIGGA A BREAK..... .... ... that's it.....i have no more.... just trust the pants.....FIN Mood: hyper Music: the sound of 40yr old virgin in the background

	2005.12.22  19.28 WHAT A TWIST!! so today....in milwaukee at an imac store..... ..... i hate the holidays....but gotta do it for the kids and the rents..... that and im moving to davis california in feb....... going to see king kong....so dont tell me what i am going to see..... i heard......she has sex with the gorilla....... ..... ... .. . so just relax and let it slide....just because HOME IS WHERE YOU DIE..... Mood: artistic Music: Dinner With the Kids.....-compositions